Good For Nothing

In random moments of reflection, I sometimes recall the times, few as they were, when I helped someone in need without any hesitation or forethought of my own unrequited expenditure of money or physical effort. There was the time I pulled over in the middle of a busy city street when I saw a young woman sitting in a stalled car, and then drove to a gas station and picked up a gas can and put some into her car. And the times we (my wife and I) bought dinner at a restaurant for young couples with a small child to feed without them knowing it. When I think back, it shocks me how little I have actually done in this life to freely help others. And to top it all off, most nights, around 4 in the morning, all the dumb, foul, unkind, ignorant, and foolish stuff I’ve said and done in the past comes creeping into my consciousness, and I toss and turn with regret and embarrassment, and remind myself not to do that stuff or be that way again.

But when those moments of helping others out do pop into my mind, there is a sudden and visceral release – a relaxation of the spirit – a coming home, so to speak, and for a brief moment in time, the world and I are set aright. It is a moment in time that allows no collusion from my ego to claim personal glorification from the effort I expended. Time comes to a standstill, and I find myself on the peak of the mountain of calm and peace.

But from whence does this sliver of intimate peace arise? Surely it transcended any religious obligation I might have felt, for the deed was done in the moment without a hint of forethought – a spontaneous movement of what just seemed ‘right and good’ surging into the world through me in an instinctive action. That sense of peace is just so satisfying because it negates the constant battle between human ego needs and the relaxing of that same ego so as to reach into a higher realm – a noble thing birthed in real time whose effects will neither rust nor decay. They may be forgotten to human minds, but the energy they contain will never dissipate into nothingness. The details of the actions are not important, only the intentions and actions themselves live on. There are many things in life that are their own reward, such as playing a musical instrument, writing a poem, mowing someone's lawn and singing in the rain – activities that offer no financial reward or 'practical' value. Helping others with no expectation of reward is one of life's peak experiences that cannot be experienced until, well, experienced. It's enough to make one believe this was the plan all along. We are slow learners. And just maybe, learning is the point of it all.